Obama And Romney Camps Debate The Debate
(AoftheAP) As the first presidential debate of the 2012 election nears, scheduled for Wednesday October 3 at the University of Denver, each campaign continues to lower their candidate’s performance expectations, issuing counter statements that oddly seem to flatter their opponent while downplaying any notion that their own candidate will do well.
“If these expectations get lowered any further,” an unnamed pollster said, speaking on condition of anonymity to AoftheA News, “any minute now, they’re going to look up and see the Great Wall of China.”
Members of President Obama’s campaign began the narrative in mid-September, explaining that “the structured — and time-limited — nature of the debates isn’t a natural fit for Obama, who often is long-winded when answering questions during news conferences or town hall-style meetings.” In addition, the Obama camp admitted that Romney’s recent participation in the Republican primary debates could give him an edge heading into the presidential debates.
These statements prompted a reply the Romney campaign, where senior adviser Beth Myers issued a letter stating, in part, that “President Obama is a uniquely gifted speaker, and is widely regarded as one of the most talented political communicators in modern history.” Thus, Romney’s expectations in doing well against the president are fairly low.
Not long after seeing the letter, members of the Obama campaign responded by saying that while they appreciate Governor Romney’s kind words, their expectations were still lower, because the president has not had the sort of time to prepare that his contender has enjoyed. Jen Paski, a White House spokesperson, told reporters on Air Force One: “I will just take this opportunity to say that Mitt Romney on the other hand has been preparing earlier and with more focus than any presidential candidate in modern history: Not John F. Kennedy, not President Bill Clinton, not President George Bush, not Ronald Reagan has prepared as much as he has.” She went on to cite that “the president has ‘been doing some studying’ but cited his travel schedule, unfolding events in the Middle East, and ‘just the constraints of governing’ as preventing Obama from focusing more time on it.”
Certain members of Romney’s team pooh-poohed the comparisons and the pressures Obama was under. “No, really, the president is so good, so intelligent, we’re surprised he even needs to study the issues. Seriously, we are so convinced that Governor Romney will perform so poorly, we’re considering just having a cardboard cutout of the governor standing at the podium.”
Upon hearing the Romney campaign comments, a high-ranking member of the Obama campaign said, “If they were to trot out a cardboard cut-out, we’d still lose. That’s how unprepared Obama really is. In fact, we’ve placed a call with Lorne Michaels at Saturday Night Live, to see if the comedian who occasionally portrays the president, is available for the debate. We figure why not – we’re going to lose anyway.”
When told of the Obama team’s plans, Romney’s advisers scrambled. “That still gives the president an overwhelming advantage. Our expectations are so low, we have ditched the cardboard cutout plan, and will now just show home movies and picture slides of past family vacations as answers to the moderator’s questions.”
Obama’s campaign manager David Plouffe, when hearing of the Romney campaign’s latest plan, pounded the table. “Slide shows!” he shouted. “Why didn’t we think of that?!” Within moments, it was announced that SNL couldn’t make their cast member available, so Plouffe directed his team to collect as many of Obama’s golf scorecards as they could find. “That’s about how low our expectations are,” he explained. “We’ll actually do better by having a staffer read off his scores from any of his rounds he has played since becoming president.”
Calls to the Romney campaign, regarding this latest development, were not returned; however, a text from an unnamed campaign member read that a team of staffers has been combing the governor’s home for old shopping lists and family recipes.
There are unconfirmed reports that PBS, who will be televising the event, is also lowering their expectations. These reports indicate that moderator Jim Lehrer might be replaced by a team of Sesame Street muppet characters, which, if true, would actually raise expectations.