*NOTE: The following is a serious article. There is no parody, satire, sarcasm or intentional humor of any kind. There is, however, 12% snark content. You’re welcome, Amawalk John.*
*NOTE#2: I take that back. The previous note was sarcasm. Thank you.*
One way of knowing that a major Christian holy day is soon approaching is by the increased frequency of news reports and History/Discovery channel shows highlighting “incredible!” archaeological finds pertaining to Christianity. Sure, you can always use a calendar, but just in case yours breaks or gets misplaced, the secular press is right there with reliable quackery to help. They pretend Christianity is non-existent for summer, fall and the second half of winter – but come Advent and Lent, stories that either seek to disprove its claims, or misrepresent them – and sometimes both – are published and broadcast. It’s the modus operandi of the industry known as Catholarchaeology, Inc.
Back in March, it was the discovery of the “Jerusalem codices” – which ironically were discovered five years ago, and are just now being talked about. And challenged as to their authenticity, as well. Big surprise.
Now there’s this story: Did Journalist Simcha Jacobovici Find THE Nails to Crucify Jesus?
JERUSALEM — Controversial journalist Simcha Jacobovici says he may have found the nails that were used to crucify Jesus more than 2,000 years ago.
He chronicled his Indiana Jones-type search in a new documentary called “The Nails of the Cross,” which was screened today at a news conference in Jerusalem and will be broadcast in the U.S., Canada and Israel in the coming weeks.
Jacobovici presented two first-century Roman nails that were bent “in a way that is consistent with crucifixion.” He contends that these are the same nails found in the burial tomb of Caiaphas, the Jewish high priest who is associated in the Gospels with the crucifixion of Jesus, although he found them at a lab in Tel Aviv University.
I’m not going to post the entire article – feel free to read it – but there’s one fact that bears repeating: Jacobivici is the same guy who colloborated with James Cameron on the culturally and theologically-challenged “The Lost Tomb of Jesus”. Remember that? It aired on Discovery in March 2007…hey! Whaddya know! Lent!
Granted – the “discovery” of The Nails That Pierced Christ doesn’t refute any Christian claims. Still, what better time of year to announce he’s found what could be The Nails That Pierced Christ, right? He gets publicity and notoriety. Catholarchaeology, Inc. is in the news! Although Jacobivici might get some push back from the guy who said Christ was never crucified in the first place…
There are less than two weeks before Easter – plenty of time for new catholarchaeological discoveries. And whatever doesn’t get published in time can be held off until Advent, or next Lent even. Timeliness is irrelevant when the stories involve trashing Christianity.
The same can be said for originality. I mean, it’s getting rather tiresome hearing the same thing over and over – “The resurrection was a myth”; “Jesus and Mary Magdalene got married”; “That really wasn’t Jesus on the cross”; “Jesus didn’t really exist”. Blah blah blah. If someone’s going to go through the trouble of disproving the claims of Christianity, I really wish they’d come up with some new theories, don’t you? Even the “Jesus was gay” meme is overworked and just dumb.
Speaking of which – here’s the latest entry straight from Catholarchaeology, Inc: Christ depicted as a drug-using bisexual. It’s not a discovery, but part of the machine nonetheless; it’s a vile work of fiction written by James Frey (the discredited author of A Million Little Pieces), called The Final Testament of the Holy Bible. I’m sure it’ll be a big hit with the religion writers at HuffPo and National Catholic Reporter.
I want new discoveries and new theories to laugh at (smart folks like Jimmy Akin and Scott Hahn can debunk the new discoveries and theories – guys like me just like to laugh at ‘em). Where are all the smart atheists and secularists with the whiz-bang ideas of how Christianity is fake? I think Catholarchaeology Inc. needs some suggestions, so here are mine.
- “Discover” the rope Judas used to hang himself.
- Find Mary’s tomb in Ephesus.
- Joseph didn’t get the Holy Family to Egypt in time, and Herod actually did slaughter Jesus.
- Christian persecution by the Roman Empire was overstated to garner sympathy.
- Pilate released Jesus, not Barabbas.
- “Discover” The Temple Veil, which shows it wasn’t torn in half as claimed by Matthew’s gospel.
- 1st century Jewish fishing net construction was such that there was no way they could have held 153 large fish, as reported in John’s Gospel.
Got any ideas? Catholarchaeology, Inc. wants to hear from you!