Top Ten Rejected Shows At EWTN
(Cross-posted at Acts of the Apostasy)
Not every show that gets presented to the folks at EWTN makes it past the sales pitch. It’s just like Hollywood, without the couch. Seriously. You think it’s just some nuns and a few execs sitting with Raymond Arroyo and Fr Mitch brainstorming over a pot of Fr Leo’s “What Really Happened To The Lost Sheep” Stew? No way – writers and developers from the world over submit scripts and treatments all the time. And not just inspirational programs that teach the faith, either. I’m talking comedies, dramas, reality – the whole gamut.
Good shows like The Apostle of Common Sense, Threshold of Hope and Life On The Rock made the cut. However, many, many of them never see the light of day. Until now.
Here are the Top Ten Rejected Shows At EWTN:
10. So You Think You Can Preach? [Reality] Bishops, priests and deacons from around the country deliver 7-minute sermons and homilies on a variety of moral and theological issues before a three-judge panel, with viewer voting in the later rounds. Contestants are judged on content, passion, and whether they wander around the sanctuary too much. The recommended judges were Fr. Corapi, Bill Donohue and that guy from your parish who always has to have a word or two with the priest after Mass to complain about the preaching.
9. Parish The Thought! [Sit-com] For years, the parish at Sts. Haugen & Haas Church was led by a “spiritual” female lay administrator, supported by a clique-y parish council comprised of quirky characters. Then, unexpectedly, the diocese appoints a young orthodox priest as pastor and hilarity ensues! Watch with unbridled laughter as the pant-suited administrator and her lackeys on the council try week after week to undermine the priest’s authority, only to utterly fail with hilarious consequences! The priest’s only apparent allies are the plucky parish office receptionist and a wise old janitor whom no one else sees but the pastor…
8. Are You Smarter Than A Blogger? [Gameshow] Contestants match their wits and wisdom against a panel of six bloggers. The contestant chooses from a selection of blog posts written by an anonymous Catholic blogger, and chooses a blogger to compete against…and then let the combox flame war begin! Whomever better supports their position – either pro or against – in the comments box is declared the victor of that round. If the contestant survives two rounds, he/she advances to the “Hat Tip” Speed Round, where he/she has 30 seconds to decipher the maze of links between six posts, one by each of the bloggers, and put them in order from original to the last one who copied linked in.
7. Jerry and Ambrose [Sit-com] This show follows the lives of two roommates who couldn’t be more mismatched – Jerome and Ambrose…before they were saints! It’s a late-4th century Odd Couple! Two guys who can’t stand each other, forced to share an apartment due to circumstances beyond their control. In Latin with English subtitles.
6. Lex et Ordo – Roma [Drama] “In the Catholic criminal justice system, the laity is represented by two separate yet equally important groups: the Liturgy Police who investigate liturgical abuses and the Congregation of the Doctrine of the Faith who ex-communicates the offenders. These are their stories.” (chung CHUNG!)
5. Survivor: Vatican [Reality] Two teams battle for survival in the Eternal City – it’s the Catholics vs the Catholycs. Outwit. Outfast. Outpray. (Read more here – yeah, I’ve linked to an old post of mine. So?)
4. The Confessor [Drama] Most people believed the mild-mannered reclusive midwestern priest spent his time only slavishly translating obscure Latin texts. None of them knew, however, save his housekeeper and local ordinary, that he was also The Confessor, a costumed vigilante battling dissent and liturgical experimentation around the nation. Sand in your stoups? Priests wearing their stoles over their chasubles? Cosmic Girl invited to speak at your parish? Call The Confessor – he’ll dispense righteous penance!
3. First Friday Night Live [Variety] A comedy sketch show, featuring an ensemble cast of “Not Quite Ready For St. Blog’s” performers. Good-natured family-friendly humor, poking fun at just about everything, guest-hosted each week by a well-known Catholic luminary, and filmed before a live studio audience. Think Monty Python meets Hee-Haw!
2. The Acolytes [Action/Drama] Five acolyte buddies, all former SEAL members, trade their cassocks and lace for Special Forces gear when called upon by a covert operations agency within the Swiss Guard. Each week, they’re challenged with a new mission – whether it’s to take out a troupe of ninja liturgical dancers, or rescue seminarians held captive by rogue chaplains. By land, sea or air – they can handle it, and be back in time to assist at the 9:00 AM Sunday Mass.
And the number one show rejected by EWTN…
1. Sister Patricia – LIVE! [Talk show] A combination of Mother Angelica, the Church Lady and Oprah – it’s a rockin’ hour of faith talk and commentary! Special guests, Biblical exegesis, discussions on cultural fads and fashions. She’s unique. She’s distinctive. She’s…Sister Patricia!
(After publishing this earlier today, I had considered changing the title to “Ten Shows EWTN Ought To Make”, but as a Roman prefect once said many centuries ago, “What I have written, I have written.”