What an Opportunity!
Little did I know when I examined my office e-mails today that the path to fortune awaited:
My name is Carlos Lopez; I work with the Federal Ministry of works and housing here in Spain. I am under political Appointment with the present government in power
My aim of contacting you is to collaborate with me to transfer the sum of (9.5 Million Euros) Nine Million Five hundred thousand Euros into your personal bank account in your country of origin for investment purposes. I am going to invest this money in your country through your assistance and help, whereby you are going to be my Invest Manager. Please when replying I want you to tell me the type of investment that will be encourage for us to invest so that we can talk about the conditions.
Please send your phone number and I will call you OR, Please email me back to this email address:
1) Your age…………
2) Your full name and address……..
3) Your marital status………
4) Your occupation/Profession…….
5) Your direct telephone……./ Fax numbers……..
Thanks and yours sincerely,
Mr. Carlos Lopez
Unfortunately I am unable to take advantage of Mr. Lopez’ generous offer due to the fact that my bank accounts are currently tied up receiving funds from Nigeria that have something to do with a simple legal transaction to prevent taxes being applied improperly to honest investments by a former oil minister. After that I have to provide access to said accounts to a South African combine that is involved in trading Krugerrands and to avoid unspecified taxes must place the funds in the name of a citizen of the US. Then there is the The Last Templar Alliance that is shipping to my accounts profits from the mines of Prester John to be carefully invested by me to support the efforts of the Templars in battling the forces of the infidel in Lower Afghanarabia. I guess Mr. Lopez will simply have to find some other complete stranger to make rich.
Update: Commenter RL has shared with me the following:
The Holy Father has an e-mail address. The Vatican has recently set him up with an account and released it to the public.
His address is firstname.lastname@example.org.
I was fortunate enough to get advance notice on his account name and therefore was able to send Pope Benedict XVI his first pontifical e-mail! I have posted it below.
RE: I NEED YOUR URGENT ASSISTANCE PLEASE
Dear Mr. XVI,
I am Alrick Mohammed Bwalugari, the son of the late Nigerian
Los Angeles Head of Sacristans who died on the 6th of June 1999 while in active services. Following the sudden death of my father, Usher Bullem Shitika, the present Diocean Government has thrown my family and I into a state of utter confusion, frustration, and hopelessness, much like the state your detractors are in. I have been subjected to inhuman physical and physiological torture, like being forced to listen to the Protestant hymns and hippy folk tunes and being forced to view liturgical dancing girls. I’ve even been accosted by the hands of a roaming hoard of smiling chatters wishing me peace! I was only recently released from detention when a friend had successfully proven that it is not a capital offense to receive Communion of the tongue, yet I was still admonished not to kneel for Communion by the lady who doles out the Eucharist like a G I throws pieces of chocolate to children in occupied lands.
The incumbent diocean administration of Chief Oroger Omahoney has intensified his probe into my late father’s devotions while in the office and he has frozen all our local and foreign accounts together with other tithes in support of his monstrosity of a cathedral as a retaliation for 2000 years of Catholic piety. As a matter of fact, we have been declared bankrupt and they are not relenting to make us poor for life, but when I complained to the authorities he pledged cooperation, yet has not released any relevant records.
As a man that is so traumatized, I have lost confidence with anybody within my diocese as all those who benefited immensely from the redemptive actions of Our Lord have openly abandoned the Faith.
MY REASONS FOR CONTACTING YOU.
I got your contacts through my personal research (blog hopping) and out of desperation decided to reach you through this medium.
You must have heard over the media reports and the Internet on the recovery of various huge sums of money tithed by my late father in different parishes and missions throughout the world. Some of these parishes and missions willingly gave-up/divulge their supporters and disclosed to the present civilian administration of Chief Oroger Omahoney and every other cause, all my family’s cash tithes, so now I receive requests for money every single day!
Please my dear, I repose great confidence in you and I hope you will not betray my confidence in you. You have the power to make everything right.
I have secretly deposited a Peter’s Pence donation for the sum of $45,700,000.00 with a security firm whose name is withheld for now until we open communications. The money is contained in a metal box reliquary with a Parish Envelope Number.
I shall be grateful if you could receive this fund into your Bank account for safekeeping. This arrangement is known to you, my junior brother (Abigass) and my lawyer (Abiggerass) only. So I will deal directly with you. I am proposing a 30% share of the fund to you for your kind assistance. I shall provide for you all the documents of the fund deposit with the security firm, and raise a power of attorney to enable you claim and receive this fund into your bank account.
Also this transaction demands absolute confidentiality, my name must not be released or sold. I couldn’t mail enough envelopes in a lifetime to use up all of my free return address labels; even my young children won’t play with them anymore! On no condition must you disclose it to anybody irrespective of your relation with the person, not even your confessor! Remember, Loose lips sinks ship.
I am looking forward to your urgent and positive response via this email (email@example.com).
Alrick Mohammed Bwalugari.
PS ****Viagara 2 for 1 sale! Place your order now!
PSS Pass this on, Bill gates will give everyone who receives it a million dollars.
>I’m a lawyer, so I can tell you it’s true!
Poor Benedict. This is just the beginning for him. 😉