Here Kitty, Kitty!

From the only reliable source of news on the net, the Onion.  I’m a dog man myself.  Feed them, walk them, and let them outside when nature calls, and you are a demi-God in their eyes.  As for felines, other than being chased by the noble canines, I am unsure what function they serve, although I am certain the cat fanciers among our readers can set me straight.

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Donald R. McClarey

Cradle Catholic. Active in the pro-life movement since 1973. Father of three and happily married for 35 years. Small town lawyer and amateur historian. Former president of the board of directors of the local crisis pregnancy center for a decade.


  1. Cats are low-maintenance.

    When I want to pet them and play with them I just pick them up and have fun.

    Unlike dogs, cats clean themselves, can potty by themselves, and aren’t needy and clingy like dogs.

    Cats also eliminate pests such as rodents around the home and yard. Plus you can keep track of their tally because when you arrive home from work your cat lines up the days kills in front of the door to show to his master.

    Cats pretty much take care of themselves.

    They don’t slober all over the place, eat your sofa or your favorite golf club(s) and you don’t have to pick up their droppings each time you take them out for a walk.

    (Disclaimer, I also love dogs.)

  2. “and you don’t have to pick up their droppings each time you take them out for a walk.”

    Where I live Tito, you don’t have to do that with dogs either!

  3. I was raised a devout Cat-holic and remain one to this day. Like Tito said, cats are lower maintenance than dogs. However there does seem to be a bit of a gender divide on this question — men tend to be dog people and women tend to be cat people. Not sure why though.

  4. “Unlike dogs, cats clean themselves, can potty by themselves …”

    Litter boxes are disgusting. And, because of the whole “cleaning themselves” thing, so are cats’ mouths. Yuck. And it’s not like a tempermental cat didn’t pee, at various times, all over (1) my wife’s wedding dress, (2) a brand new set of luggage, and (3) a box containing my wife’s childhood mementos. Our dog, on the other hand, does his business outside as opposed to where he lives.

    “… and aren’t needy and clingy like dogs.”

    So, then, what’s the point of having a companion animal (that’s “pet” to all you among the unwashed) around the house? I can think of better things to spend my money on than an animal who doesn’t care if I’m alive unless it happens to miss a meal or its litter box gets full.

    “Cats also eliminate pests such as rodents around the home and yard.”

    So do terriers. As far as I’m concerned, the varmint (that’s “pest” to all you who refer to pets as “companion animals”) catching function is the ONLY useful and worthwhile aspect of cats. But if you have a terrier – preferably a Border Terrier – that can do the same thing (and that can jump up and catch bats flying around inside the house in mid-flight, to boot), then there doesn’t seem to be much point to having a cat around.


  5. The problem Jay described seems to be most common among male cats due to their instinct to “mark” their territory. Female cats are much less likely to do this. I never had this problem but then I never owned any cats except spayed females.

  6. Cats are great. After your city has been besieged by the enemy for a few months you’ll find that cats are quite useful.

  7. Or during severe economic depressions. I have heard some old timers talk about eating “rabbit” during those days that they suspected might have “meowed” in life.

  8. God provided me with an allergy to cats. Proof enough for me that they are of the devil. (Kidding, I actually like cats, I just can’t be around them long!)

  9. We have both cats and a dog. At the puppy stage with the dog right now, so not fair to compare. But at least dogs can be trained. Cats, for the most part seem worthless.

  10. Yep, Phillip. This morning ours did a little training on the carpet in my daughter’s room. Bet she doesn’t forget to clean the litter box next time!

    Jim, With a plate of food in front of them our dogs wouldn’t waste time waiting for the hands. So no, they couldn’t.

  11. I am extremely allergic to cats. I think cats are OK, but I much prefer dogs. Elaine, I’m not sure if there is really a male/female divide on this. I think it has more to do with the pets people had when they were children (we were a solid dog family) and also with residential restrictions. I live in the city and know quite a few “dog people” who own cats because few apartment buildings permit dogs.

    The purpose of cats is to keep human beings humble. The love and devotion of dogs might lead us to believe ourselves to be gods if cats weren’t around to remind us that we’re not “all that” (as my teenaged niece would say.)

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