The Economic Gospels

Since the topic of the economic message of the parables was recently raised, I couldn’t help remembering this little snippet which for some years hung on my cube wall. Perhaps the Conservative Bible Project can include this among their free market parables? I’ll freely make it available to them, so long as they don’t embarrass me by citing my name.

One of the lesser known apocryphal gospels was that of St. Josephus Managerius whose “Gospel According to Management” was left out of the New Testament by reason of sheer irrelevance. Managerius was a Roman management consultant and inspirational speaker who became one of Christ’s lesser known followers. In his own gospel account, he gave the following address to a management seminar the day after Christ’s delivery of the parable in today’s gospel.

“Well, folks, I think we were all pretty impressed by the Master’s parable yesterday about the Pearl of Great Price, and the importance to following major spiritual upscaling opportunities. But being a trained management consultant, I’d just like to emphasize a couple of the points the Master brought up.

“This POGP strategy is probably the most essential factor in dividing the management sheep from the goats. Now, as we discussed last week, sometimes in order to maximize wheat scalability, it is necessary to pursue temporary weed preservation policy (TWPP.) This allows for greater TOHR (time of harvest return.)

“Now, while those employing a CPBS (casting pearls before swine) mentality may show a strong pre-harvest return, it’s the POGP visionaries who will see the greater TOHR at the annual shifting of the wheat from the chaff. I’d just like you all to take a few moments to think about what the POGP opportunities in your own businesses may be. And remember, when you reach the needle’s eye in your strategic planning, make your camel smarter not smaller.”

4 Responses to The Economic Gospels

  • Donald R. McClarey says:

    Hah! It reminds me of this one that has been going around the internet forever:

    To: Jesus, son of Joseph

    From: Palestinian Management Consultants Ltd.

    Thank you for submitting the resumés of the 12 men you have handpicked for management positions in your new organization. All of them have now taken our battery of tests and we have not only run the results through our computer but also arranged personal interviews for each of them with our psychologists and vocational aptitude consultants.

    The profiles of all tests are included and you will want to study them carefully. As part of our service we will make some general comments. These are given as a result of staff consultations and come without additional fee.

    It is the opinion of the staff that most of your nominees are lacking in background, educational and vocational aptitude for the type of enterprise you have in mind. They do not have the team concept. We recommend that you continue with your search.

    Simon Peter is emotionally unstable and given to fits of temper. Andrew has absolutely no qualities of leadership. The brothers James and John place personal interest above group loyalty. Thomas has a skeptical attitude that would tend to undermine morale. It is our duty to tell you that Matthew has been blacklisted by the Greater Jerusalem Better Business Bureau. James and Jude, the sons of Alpheus, have radical leanings and show a high score on the manic-depressive scale.

    Only one shows potential ability, resourcefulness, a brilliant business mind, socializes well, has great ambitions and is highly motivated.

    We recommend that you consider Judas Iscariot as your controller and right-hand man.

    (Sgd.) Caiaphas, CEO

    Palestinian Management Consultants Ltd., Jerusalem

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