Soybeania Forever!

nine-nations

Darwin’s post on the Russian professor who predicts the breakup of America, reminded me of an intriguing book I read decades ago, The Nine Nations of North America, by Joel Garreau.  It was fun to read although I thought that only three of the regions were close to being true nations:  Dixie, Mexamerica and Quebec.

In order for a geographic area, in the absence of a government, to be a nation some binding force other than mere proximity must exist.  The Civil War and its legacies supplies that for  Dixie.  Quebec has “Je me souviens” ,  although that seems to apply since the Sixties only to their secular history, while their Catholic faith has gone down the collective memory hole.  Mexamerica due to the turbulent amalgam of Mexican and American cultures being played out in the Southwest.  A first rate analysis of this process was written a few years ago by Victor Davis Hanson in Mexifornia.

The late Michael Kilian of the Chicago Tribune wrote a spoof of the book which appeared in the Tribune on June 14, 1981.  He divided Illinois into nine states:  South Wisconsin, The Grand Duchy of Onwentsia, The Regional Government Authority (Most of Cook and the Collar Counties), Republic of Quad, Greater Peoria, The Sangamo City State, Lesser St. Louis, North Dixie, and, my favorite region, Soybeania.  He described Soybeania, my native land, as consisting of 25,000 square miles of corn and soybean fields and almost nothing else, which is only a slight exaggeration.  The article was a well-written hoot, and it is a shame that I can’t find it on-line.  Here is the map which accompanied the article.

illinois-1457

 

illinois-2458

6 Responses to Soybeania Forever!

  • Before signing on as a good and faithful servant of the Clintons, James Carville devised a masterful re-election campaign for Robert Casey as Gov of PA. At that time, he issued a comment on the state that remains true today. As thus- on one end, Philadelphia- we will also consider four surrounding counties, benefitting from years of insane taxation, rising crime, and All Other Wrong Things Done In Cities. On the other end, Pittsburgh and vicinity. In between, Alabama. Or in this case, a tide of Penn State blue and white.

  • Speaking from experience of visiting and living in Mexico, there is no way in a million years will the border areas of the United States ever join itself with Mexico. Maybe the inverse, a couple of states may break away from Mexico herself and align with the U.S. such as Chihuahua and Baja California Norte, but not the other.

    Mexico is so corrupt, they make make Blagoyevich seem like George Washington or Persepolis. The central government is inept and their bureaucracy horrible (slept overnight at the border because the Mexican border agents had called it a day at 4pm before I could drive further into Mexico).

    The “Empty Quarter”, I thought that applied to New York City and Sodom and Gomorrah (San Fran & L.A.).

    LOL

  • Foundry and Breadbasket would merge into one great nation, because Ontario, the Lower Peninsula of Michigan, and the Ohiowa prairie contain more farmland than factories. Plus mines and processing plants still operate in the breadbasket region around Lake Superior.

  • As a native of the Republic of Quad, we welcome war with Iowa to win back two of our five Quad Cities. Sometimes I wish lived in a futuristic distopia just so I could be warlord of such a state. After conquering east-central Iowa, we’d set our targets on South Wisconsin. The gambling “boats” of Galena and Dubuque are just too rich a target.

  • ROTLMAO! I spent most of my life in various cities of Greater Peoria, and actually have been to Goofy Ridge and lived to tell about it!

    Goofy Ridge is actually an unincorporated community of dirt roads, trailers and shacks in Mason County near Havana. Originally it was more of a campsite for hunters and fishermen, and over time became a full-time community. It gained some notoriety in the 1980s as a haven for criminals; today it’s more reminiscent of some of the poorer towns of Appalachia or Mississippi.

    In recent years the Sangamo City State in which I now live has fallen on hard times due to the misrule and outright persecution of King Rod the Hairy. Many of its more famous watering holes (Boone’s Saloon, Norb Andy’s) have closed in the past couple of years, as have many other shops and downtown buildings. We hope our new ruler, Patrick the Rumpled, will help restore at least some of our former glory.

  • ” We hope our new ruler, Patrick the Rumpled, will help restore at least some of our former glory.”

    Although if he does double the income tax, I think he will go down in Illinois history as Quinn the Short!

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